Week 14-17

I must admit that I usually love the second trimester. The nausea almost completely stops, your energy somewhat returns to you, and you finally get your sex drive back. This time around for me, I was blind sighted by how I would feel. At the end of my 14th week, my pain became unbearable. In the first trimester this would happen occasionally, but it would only last two day’s or so. Now its lasting 5-7 days consistently. I believe the increase pain is due to my stomach stretching and the nerves simply just don’t like it. I went to the doctor after the second week, because the pain was making me vomit, and I was once again bedridden. I had to visit the hospital twice for fluids over the two week period because I wasn’t able to keep anything down from pain. When I saw my doctor, he was angry with me. Since I’m in a small town and my choices in doctors are limited, he has no knowledge of my condition. He told me this time that he doesn’t believe I actually have damage to the nerves, that the doctor who fixed me in CA was just wanting to do a surgery for money so he made it up. At this point I had enough. I had proven to this doctor that my pain wasn’t mental, and now I’m losing my life because he doesn’t want to treat me in the way he should. So I responded to his anger with the passion of how I truly felt, I explained to him that the pain triggers in a straight line over where my inside incision was. That I have symptoms of the nerves shocking me and making the muscle itself sore to the point that it becomes painful to really move, and if I do move, it makes it all worse. That lidocane to the area completely relieves the pain, and most importantly a spinal block also removes all pain. That is scientific proof that the nerves themselves are damaged. I then asked him if he ever called my doctor in California to find out what my condition is, and what its like for people that suffer with it. He said he hadn’t, that makes me feel that he doesn’t really want to make the effort to understand what is wrong with me, or help me manage it during this difficult time. So, I am going to attempt to change doctors in my area, but I have to have their permission to do so. I go on Friday to a doctor in the clinic that I have seen before when my doctor was away who seems to really care about his patients. I am going to petition him to take my case. I need someone who will help me instead of get frustrated with me every time I am hurting worse. Because of the doctor I am seeing now, and his lack of treatment, I have completely lost my life again to the pain. I have not cleaned, or made dinner in weeks. I am struggling to get my oldest to school in the morning, I struggle to take care of my youngest during the day. I am laying down most of the time because that is the only way I feel some relief. I am desperate to change the situation, and once again am having to fight to keep my head above the water. I never wanted to be in this situation again, and it breaks my heart that I am only a skip away from having the life I left behind. On a good note, the baby is doing just fine… she is healthy, moving, and I even feel a kick from time to time. She doesn’t kick as often as my second child did, but I think that’s because she is going to be more laid back like her daddy. I have the anatomy scan in four weeks, to check her for any problems. I’m worried about it. I took many medications in the first twelve weeks that were harmful to her growth, but because I didn’t know I was pregnant there was nothing I could do about it. I just have to keep having faith that she is going to be happy healthy baby with all her fingers and toes.

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